Thursday, May 17, 2018

temper temper little one.

Your child hears the word "no" and the world is now ending....

5 things i do to problem solve with my children:

1. be mindful  

while i was a teacher I learned that being mindful with young children is very important. it's important to be present and in the moment with children. its easy for a child to sense you are distracted or not fully engaging with them. when a problem arises with a child talk to them about it. unplug from whatever electronic device might be capturing your attention and go through the problem with them. It's very important to model mindfulness for children. some things you can do to be mindful is:

- take deep breaths before dealing with a child having a temper tantrum 

- encourage your child to take some deep breaths. you can use techniques like smell the flower and  blow out the candle by placing you index finger in front of your mouth pretending its a flower(inhale) and then blowing out the candle(exhale)

. --children exhibiting a lot of energy and it isn't the time or place for them to run around to exert that energy can benefit by lifting a heavy object, or doing some jumping jacks. 

-yoga exercises that you can do in a small space is also another great way to get a child to be mindful and calm their bodies. 

-creating a space for your child to go to so they can calm down is helpful. i have dealt with many children who have had meltdown where they might knock things over or swing their arms and legs so putting them in a safe and calm space can allow them to exert the frustration among themselves. when you are out in public its difficult to do but bringing them back to the car so they can let it all out is beneficial because it eliminates the amount of humiliation you may feel because of people secretly judging or staring at you and your child. i typically opt for the car because I am not a fan of public restrooms but if you prefer the restroom then so be it. 

-just allow your child to bug out but you yourself have to remain calm. 
-take deep breathes and use a soft voice. 

-when children are frustrated and acting out its very difficult for them to hear what we're saying to them so counting aloud while you take your breaths may distract them and might help them calm down with you. 

2. give them choices

when children don't want to do what they are being told they can be VERY STUBBORN. so give them 2 choices. one choice you and them can both agree with and the other you agree with but know they most likely wont choose. when you give them these choices give them a time limit to choose. if they are still refusing you can try " would you like to make the choice or do you want me to make it for you?" I'm almost positive they will say they want to make the choice. children feel good when they are able to make an independent decision. just make sure the choices you are giving them are child appropriate. nothing is worse than a child that thinks they can run your life and make the decisions. an example is a recent conflict i had with my child: she insisted on sleeping in bed with me. with 4 children and 2 dogs its very uncomfortable when we are all in bed together and we get up super early in the morning so everyone getting a good nights sleep on the weekdays is crucial. so back to the situation. i said to my daughter "you can either sleep in your room with your favorite movie on TV or you can sleep in Mommy's room with no TV" she instantly chose to sleep in her room with the TV on. now it wont always be that easy and there are some situations where you wont be able to give choices but if you can try it and see how it goes. 

3. address the issue right away and then move on
in some cases some problems don't require and consequence or choices. this is something good to do for older children. for an example my son came home with a note from school saying he was getting out of his seat and constantly being told to stop talking. am i going to crucify him for this, because he's old enough to have a discussion on what he can do to change the behavior and do better. he understood that if another note was sent home then something he liked or wanted would be taken away. once the issue is spoken about or dealt with move on. for younger children a better approach would be to deal with it right then and there. give them their punishment when it's over move on. dwelling on something bad that they've done can really affect their self esteem. we don't want our children to feel like they are bad people because they make mistakes. mistakes are to be learning opportunities. 

4. stand your ground the crying will eventually stop
the words "no" is apart of my vocabulary on the daily and i hold no remorse. i don't change my mind. i certainly will not use the word maybe when i know for a fact whatever they want is not going to happen. children who never hear the word "no" grow up feeling entitled to everything and anything. in real life as adults we do not get everything we want exactly when we want it so it's important for your child to know and experience a life where they do not receive all that they ask for. your child might freak the hell out the minute you say no but if you change your mind while they are having a meltdown they are going to think that every time they bug out you will give them their way. your child NEEDS to get used to hearing no. I'm not saying that every time they ask for something it has to be a no but within reason if you feel like they shouldn't have something or do something at that time then you as the parent have every right to make the decision. 

5. sometimes all they need is a hug 

this doesn't need much explanation. if you ask a child if they need a hug or would like a hug 7 times out of 10 they will say yes and that hug you are giving them will make them feel loved, feel secure, and feel good. physical connection with your children can ease them in so many ways. sometimes all i have to do is touch my baby's cheek and she calms down. they love to be loved. 

i hope these tips help. please feel free to share in the comments some things you do for your children to calm down, be mindful, or ways you help them problem solve. 

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

I love you from a distance

To my friends,

I love you from a distance....
because I can't be your ride or die. 
I have my children to live for and 
I put their lives before mine

I love you from a distance...
because I can't give you any money.
My honey works too hard to make our lives better
for me to give you my cheddar

I love you from a distance...
Because I'm not going to a club with you
I'm married now and refuse to deal with 
those crazy single thirsty dudes. 

I love you from a distance...
because I cant give you a ride somewhere
I have children and things to do
and unfortunately no time for you

I love from a distance...
because my husband comes first
he is my better half and I've made my choice 
this is the life i want and i say that with a very proud voice

I love you from a distance
i love you from afar
my dear friend you will always be in my heart.
no matter where life leads us remember our past
for we had a good one with lots of laughs. 
you were my girl, my homie 
and you knew me so well 
but life changes direction
and we have to accept it. 
I love you from a distance because it's for the best.
I cant be a fake friend to you like all of the rest. 
So I'm keeping it real and letting you know 
i love you  and i hope you know
you're still my friend from a distance.... 

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

5 ways to ease your morning routine

Why am I rushing every morning when I do the same thing every day?

I used to ask myself that question every day! I never understood why I could not get my morning routine set. I would easily take my frustration out on my kids, dogs and husband. my anxiety level was at an all time high and sometimes while my husband was at work i would call him panicking and hysterical over being a few minutes late. These 5 things helped me deal with our chaotic mornings and also helped to keep my insanity in tact.

1. Prepare lunch/snacks as soon as they get home from school
As soon as the kids get home from school i immediately empty their lunch boxes and begin to prepare them for the following day. I cut up their fruit, place their dry food snacks inside the lunchboxes and place their lunch boxes in the fridge. if they choose to have a lunch that needs to be warmed I place it next to their lunch box and that is the ONLY thing I have to do for their lunch in the morning. It has made our mornings so much easier and allows us time to sit as a family and have breakfast together.

2. Take clothes out the night before
My son wears uniforms so its very easy for him. I usually place his uniform in the same place so that way he knows after breakfast to grab it and get dressed. For my daughters I pick out their cute little outfits the night before and place it on their bed railing with their shoes and undergarments. They are so used to the routine that as soon as they are done with breakfast they go right to the room and get dressed. All I have to do is assist my 3 year old and do both of my girls hair. My 5 month old is usually still asleep while everyone is up and getting ready so she thankfully just stays in her PJ's till we finish drop offs.

I am such a stickler for this. The TV will mesmerize the shit out of kids when you are trying to keep a schedule and seriously throw everything off. My husband usually leaves before we wake up but on the days that he gets to stay home a little longer he will sometimes let our Son watch some TV without realizing that time is against us. we live about 20 minutes away from our sons school and there is no time for distractions. The only thing playing in the morning is the radio because I feel its helps the kids feel good in the morning and wake up. 

4. Get yourself up at least an hour before they have to wake up. 
As a mom we could use as much sleep as we can get, but I find that rushing children can be the most frustrating thing in the world because children move like sloths. trying to get dressed and look decent when you do your morning drops offs is extremely hard when you have 4 little people that need your attention simultaneously. I get up at 5 am every morning start my coffee maker, take my dogs out, puff the magic dragon, then come in and get ready for the day. I have enough time to do my hair,makeup, pick out a decent outfit(which still usually consist of leggings and t-shirt), but it makes our mornings so much smoother because all I have to do after everyone is ready is walk out the house.

5. If you are still running then let that 
shit go and enjoy the time you have with the kids. 
I cannot tell you how many times i have been a crazy mess because we were going to be late to school. I used to be so frantic and angry until i realized, I STILL have to drop them off regardless of the time. The school is not going anywhere, I cannot control traffic, and sometimes shit happens (literally). My daughter was 2 at the time and constantly had accidents as we were heading out the door(there is nothing i could have done to control that). Now, if we are running late (although inside my anxiety is killing me) I take a deep breathe as soon as we get in the car and we play our favorite songs all the way to school. It helps to put everyone in a good mood and my kids don't feel my tension.

These are just somethings i do and have been doing for the last 5 months to help ease our morning routine. My kids are awesome and all they can do is try their best to be good listeners, focus, and love each other, but sometimes its difficult for them. Sometimes they wake up extremely tired and didn't sleep well that night, or they are possibly getting sick. So yea, there are somethings that interrupt the routine a little bit but that is OK. I just want my children to have an awesome start to their day and I feel it all begins with me and my attitude in the morning. If I'm a grump and frantic then i believe they will feed off that energy and feel the same way. 

I truly hope this helps if you are trying to figure out a way to ease your weekday mornings with your family. 

Monday, May 14, 2018

To my dear love, You are the fucking man !

You are the fucking man! you work hard, you provide us with everything we want and need and you deserve to be lazy everyday when you come home. sometimes as a wife whether you work a 9-5 or stay at home we get frustrated feeling like WE DO EVERYTHING. we take care of the kids, we take care of the cleaning, house duties, dinner etc. while our husbands get to go off to work with no children and what we assume as no worries. today i took a second(more like 2 hours) to really think about my husbands perspective in this marriage and family. what does he do for me? What does he do for our children, our dogs, our house? how does he feel about working 12 hour days in between his 24 hour firefighter shift? what are his thoughts while he is on the road or at the firehouse. The truth is I don't fucking know and the honest truth is i sit home and assume that he isn't worried about SHIT. He's got a clear mind because he isn't with the kids, or the dogs or dealing with a messy house. I thought to myself today "what a selfish bitch i am for assuming and actually believing that my husband doesn't do anything or think of anything."  so to my dear love, YOU ARE THE FUCKING MAN:

you work so hard to give me what i want which was to stop working and take care of our amazing kids and dogs. You NEVER say no to me. (he rarely ever says no to anything i ask for). You stay up and make sure we spend time together even when I'm cranky and frustrated over little things. You come home and help me when i SHOULD have the house in order but i decided to stay in bed and binge on Netflix. You tell me to rest on days you see and know i didn't sleep well while you still go off to work. you love me when I'm severely depressed and imbalanced and somehow manage to cope with it. Our children get everything they need and want. my happiness and their happiness come before yours. you are an amazing hands on parent and emotionally supportive parent when i am incapable of being one. you are the fucking man. you are the man of this house. you are the man in my life. you are the love of my life. 

I will pick up any dirty sock you leave on the floor, put any cup you leave on the dresser in the sink, and put away and tools you leave out any fucking day and every day for the rest of our lives together. 
My husband marching in the parade &
our son ran out to give him water.