Thursday, May 17, 2018

temper temper little one.

Your child hears the word "no" and the world is now ending....



5 things i do to problem solve with my children:


1. be mindful  

while i was a teacher I learned that being mindful with young children is very important. it's important to be present and in the moment with children. its easy for a child to sense you are distracted or not fully engaging with them. when a problem arises with a child talk to them about it. unplug from whatever electronic device might be capturing your attention and go through the problem with them. It's very important to model mindfulness for children. some things you can do to be mindful is:

- take deep breaths before dealing with a child having a temper tantrum 

- encourage your child to take some deep breaths. you can use techniques like smell the flower and  blow out the candle by placing you index finger in front of your mouth pretending its a flower(inhale) and then blowing out the candle(exhale)

. --children exhibiting a lot of energy and it isn't the time or place for them to run around to exert that energy can benefit by lifting a heavy object, or doing some jumping jacks. 

-yoga exercises that you can do in a small space is also another great way to get a child to be mindful and calm their bodies. 

-creating a space for your child to go to so they can calm down is helpful. i have dealt with many children who have had meltdown where they might knock things over or swing their arms and legs so putting them in a safe and calm space can allow them to exert the frustration among themselves. when you are out in public its difficult to do but bringing them back to the car so they can let it all out is beneficial because it eliminates the amount of humiliation you may feel because of people secretly judging or staring at you and your child. i typically opt for the car because I am not a fan of public restrooms but if you prefer the restroom then so be it. 

-just allow your child to bug out but you yourself have to remain calm. 
-take deep breathes and use a soft voice. 

-when children are frustrated and acting out its very difficult for them to hear what we're saying to them so counting aloud while you take your breaths may distract them and might help them calm down with you. 


2. give them choices

when children don't want to do what they are being told they can be VERY STUBBORN. so give them 2 choices. one choice you and them can both agree with and the other you agree with but know they most likely wont choose. when you give them these choices give them a time limit to choose. if they are still refusing you can try " would you like to make the choice or do you want me to make it for you?" I'm almost positive they will say they want to make the choice. children feel good when they are able to make an independent decision. just make sure the choices you are giving them are child appropriate. nothing is worse than a child that thinks they can run your life and make the decisions. an example is a recent conflict i had with my child: she insisted on sleeping in bed with me. with 4 children and 2 dogs its very uncomfortable when we are all in bed together and we get up super early in the morning so everyone getting a good nights sleep on the weekdays is crucial. so back to the situation. i said to my daughter "you can either sleep in your room with your favorite movie on TV or you can sleep in Mommy's room with no TV" she instantly chose to sleep in her room with the TV on. now it wont always be that easy and there are some situations where you wont be able to give choices but if you can try it and see how it goes. 

3. address the issue right away and then move on
in some cases some problems don't require and consequence or choices. this is something good to do for older children. for an example my son came home with a note from school saying he was getting out of his seat and constantly being told to stop talking. am i going to crucify him for this behavior...no, because he's old enough to have a discussion on what he can do to change the behavior and do better. he understood that if another note was sent home then something he liked or wanted would be taken away. once the issue is spoken about or dealt with move on. for younger children a better approach would be to deal with it right then and there. give them their punishment when it's over move on. dwelling on something bad that they've done can really affect their self esteem. we don't want our children to feel like they are bad people because they make mistakes. mistakes are to be learning opportunities. 

4. stand your ground the crying will eventually stop
the words "no" is apart of my vocabulary on the daily and i hold no remorse. i don't change my mind. i certainly will not use the word maybe when i know for a fact whatever they want is not going to happen. children who never hear the word "no" grow up feeling entitled to everything and anything. in real life as adults we do not get everything we want exactly when we want it so it's important for your child to know and experience a life where they do not receive all that they ask for. your child might freak the hell out the minute you say no but if you change your mind while they are having a meltdown they are going to think that every time they bug out you will give them their way. your child NEEDS to get used to hearing no. I'm not saying that every time they ask for something it has to be a no but within reason if you feel like they shouldn't have something or do something at that time then you as the parent have every right to make the decision. 



5. sometimes all they need is a hug 

this doesn't need much explanation. if you ask a child if they need a hug or would like a hug 7 times out of 10 they will say yes and that hug you are giving them will make them feel loved, feel secure, and feel good. physical connection with your children can ease them in so many ways. sometimes all i have to do is touch my baby's cheek and she calms down. they love to be loved. 





i hope these tips help. please feel free to share in the comments some things you do for your children to calm down, be mindful, or ways you help them problem solve. 

26 comments:

  1. These sound like some great ways to help problem solve with children, they have such a different perspective on the world.

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    1. thank you for commenting! yes they do. i did alot of research on it when i was teaching because each child is so different and has specific different ways of dealing with their frustrations.

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  2. I've been very blessed to have children that accept "no" (for the most part). I think it's all how you handle it.

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    1. thank you for commenting.
      My oldest is good when it comes to No but i think it took some time. my 3 year old however is still a work in progress lol.

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  3. These are great tips. Gosh, I feel like I've said no so many times to day. It's exhausting for mama and little ones. I need to try the kids yoga.

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    1. thank you for commenting. it is exhausting. some days i dont even want to speak anymore because i feel like i spent too long repeating myself, saying stop. no, and all those other sayings, but then they find a way to make me laugh, and love so hard i forget the bad times.

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  4. I think giving them a choice is something that not a lot of people think of. It teaches them that as they are getting older, they're going to have to face choices to do things that they maybe don't want to but there's usually a right choice.

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    1. thank you for commenting. yea i believe when they reach a certain age they should get developmentally appropriate choices to decide on.

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  5. No is always a hard word for little kids but I find it helps that you don't say no as much as you give them another option. It makes dealing with the "no' a little easier if they have an alternative.

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    1. thank you for commenting. i pick and choose with my no battles.

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  6. So true about a hug being the answer sometimes. It also helps me gauge if a nap is also needed. I still rock my toddler to sleep.

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    1. thank you for commenting. my three year old always accepts a hug when shes having a meltdown and easily calms her down. my 4 year old has to take a nap or shes a hot mess and i always can tell when its about that time. during those moments i am completely mindful.

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  7. Such good tips and advice. We love giving hugs! A hug can go a long way, in most situations.

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    1. thank you for commenting. a hug certainly can. i think even for us adults sometimes a tight loving hug can hekp us out.

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  8. No is good to hear from time to time, especially a toddler.

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    1. thank you for commenting. i do believe no is essential for somethings. as a toddler their minds are so curious and they want to explore everything.

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  9. These are some great suggestions. I have a toddler and sometimes it gets difficult with tantrums.

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    1. thank you for commenting. my daughter had horrible tantrums and sometimes still does.

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  10. I love the yoga for kids idea! Thanks for the tips!

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    1. thank you for commenting! id love to know how they worked for you if you try them,

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  11. Oh my goodness the word no. My kids were actually very understandable when I taught them!

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    1. thank you for commenting! my daughter at first was understanding of it but as she got older and more stimulation around her it was not accepted in our vocabulary lol

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  12. I think the thing about limiting choices is so important when it comes to kids. Give them choices to have so they feel good about gaining responsibility. But at the same time, limiting choices gives them security and not feeling overwhelmed by choices.

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    1. thank you for commenting, yes its all about limits and choices. i always make their choices things that i want and something i know they kind of want lol.

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  13. These are some good tips, my child is a teenager now so not in this stage any longer x

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  14. Great information and tips. Better believe you going to take it to the top.

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