Tuesday, June 19, 2018

How me and my husband are using our love language to build and strengthen our marriage.

                       The 5 love languages;
                             Acts of service
                       words of affirmation
                             quality time 
                           physical touch 
                           receiving gifts

How me and my husband are using our love language to build and strengthen our marriage. 

My husband and I have been married for over a year now and things transitioned rather quickly for us in the past year. we dated for 3 months and decided to get married. directly after getting married found out we were expecting. Altogether we have 4 children(3 from previous relationships). In the mist of all the quick transitions we found little time to focus and enjoy our marriage. Every so often we'd try to get away for a night or have a date night but it still seemed like we couldn't connect. I love my husband so much and he has saved me in so many ways, but we are also still learning about each other. I came across a Facebook post that caught my eye about 5 love languages and a quiz that went along with it. i thought this would be a great opportunity to learn a little bit more about each other. so i took the quiz and he took the quiz. 

here are my results: 

10 Acts of service
8 words of affirmation
6 quality time
4 physical touch 
2 receiving gifts 

10 is the highest ranking and 2 being the lowest within my results. 
now here's why my quiz results are like this and what my husband has learned from it. 

Acts of service;
I take on a lot of tasks through out my day, I am stay at home mom with four children and my life's purpose is to be the best mom i can be for them. Along with those responsibilities come our dogs, our home, our yard, errands that have to get done(groceries, Dr appointments, bill payments and other miscellaneous tasks) I sometimes hesitate to ask for help because i know my husband works hard and he works all the time in order to provide our family with the best. I find that i get frustrated because i need the help but i don't ask for it. Taking this quiz has showed me that when my husband does help i am beyond appreciative. ill take him helping me around the house, with the kids, over any type of gift any day. it makes me so happy and satisfied when i see and know he is willing to help. he's a great man for the days that he does help and even on the days that he doesn't. I've learned to communicate how thankful i am when he does help me do small tasks around the house. 

Words of affirmation
i feed off of his "i love you." it boosts my spirit. when he expresses his gratitude for who i am as a mother, wife, step mom i feel confident in myself that i can really successfully be a mother wife and step mom. his words (and actions) mean so much to me and give me a sense of security. 

quality time
my husband is a firefighter and works 24 hour shifts, a part time job and over time at the firehouse. i see him in the evening when were both dead tired, or i don't see him for 2 1/2 days straight. i have completely gotten used to this lifestyle and i have accepted it for the most part. i say for the most part because there are times when i need him with me. we don't have to do anything i just physically need him near me to feel safe and OK. i don't care if its laying in bed and binge watching a show together or if its napping our whole day away. there are times when the quality time with my husband is put before anything else. my husband and i usually take advantage of our time together when our children are with their other parents and our daughter can hang out with her grandmother for the day. its gives us a day to do as we please and to enjoy each others company. 

physical touch
i believe this ranked at a 4 because I'm super weird when it comes to touching. in the beginning my husband and i couldn't keep our hands off each other but i believe a lot of it was because we had just started and had a lot of sexual chemistry between each other (we still do but FOUR YOUNG ASS KIDS-self explanatory) physical touch just isn't something i need all the time or need to help me feel loved and satisfied. intimacy is not just touching or sex to me, its talking and sharing ideas, beliefs, experiences. my hands sweat like all year round so I'm not really a fan of holdings hands although we still do (because i know my husband loves physical touch). 

receiving gifts
this is quick and easy. i do not like surprises. if I'm not with you when you are getting it just don't. i don't care for materials or surprise gifts. yes it shows appreciation and love but so does "i married an amazing woman", you are a great mother or "babe relax for a little bit ill take care of the baby, take out the trash or do the dishes. however I'm down for a surprise coffee(i always need/want coffee). 

so those are my reasons for getting the rankings i got on each of the languages. just in the 10 minutes it took to take the quiz i learned so much about myself and had an aha moment. my husband also learned a lot by realizing that something as little as putting his boots on the shoe rack can light up my world, or how a quick call during the day to  appreciate me, or even reassure me of something I've struggled with can bring me peace and i can connect with him and know he understands. 

my husbands results: 

10 physical touch
10 quality time
6 words of affirmation
4 acts of service
0 receiving gifts

his results almost seem like the complete opposite of mine! don't get discouraged though. this quiz is not meant to make you feel like you and your significant other are too different or don't match up. i took this quiz solely to see what my husband and i can work on and better ways for us to connect and communicate with one another. 

how I'm choosing to use my husbands quiz results

physical touch
i plan to kiss him a little bit longer in the mornings before he leaves for work and hug him a little tighter when he get homes. regardless of how sweaty my hands are this summer I'm going to hold his hand during our car rides and super market trips dripping sweaty palms and all. I'm going to give him shoulder massages when he's sitting watching TV. I'm going to slap his ass whenever he walks by me. the physical touch doesn't necessarily mean sex but it does mean comfortability with your significant other, it means connecting through your senses with each other. 

quality time
he works so much so quality time is extremely important to him and this is something he has expressed to me numerous times and before i just could not understand and would brush it off like were married for life dude calm down but now I'm going to make the effort to wake up with him. have coffee if we can. spend a little time at night after the kids go to sleep(i usually pass out with the kids but I'm willing to put more effort). Spending time together and making memories for a life time is the most beautiful thing that we truly take advantage of and I don't want to do that anymore. 

words of affirmation
we talk all day long. we talk about our kids, we talk about the house, issues all of it. we love each other i love you at the end of our phone calls have become routine. but these words of affirmation are a connection. like in the avatar movie when he says "i see you" i want my husband and i to see each other to appreciate each other but i want to be specific. i don't want to just say thank you. i want to tell you how it makes me feel when you work so hard, when i watch you be a father to our kids, how you look in timberland boots and white Nike's(babe if your reading this *wink wink*). it feels good to have someone tell you how they feel about you, how they appreciate you, and the reasons they love you.  
acts of service
my honey doesn't ask for much. and he truly doesn't have to because i got it covered. any favors here or there I'm more than happy to do!  

receiving gifts
the lord blessed me with a husband that views gifts the way i do. he doesn't mind surprises but he could is not a tangibles kind of guy. there a few things that are important of course like the thing our children get us but that's all that really matters.

if you would like to take the quiz you can go to http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ or click here (will take you to the same exact site).

everyone has to be loved differently. and this was a great way for me to get an idea of how to love my husband and continue to strive in our marriage. this man saved my life and god really answered my prayers when him and i crossed each others paths again. I'm so grateful for our kids because they are my life even on good days and bad. because of my family i get to laugh and smile every day(along with every other emotion in the book) but I get to FEEL every day. some people are not able to feel, but i do and i cant let that go unnoticed anymore. for those of us with love in our lives and being able to love laugh and smile we are blessed. 

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