Thursday, June 7, 2018

To be or, Not to be?

I'm going to just get right to it because it is a difficult subject for myself and i think for a lot of people who are growing and changing their life whether its children, marriage, illnesses, or just focusing on yourself. 


just a little background:
short story long, my husband and i started dating and we moved along rather quickly. 3 months later we were married regardless of any one's opinion. my husband has two children whom i love like they are my own and have known since they were very small. i had one child at the time and the transition for us and our children happened very quickly. we began living together about a month after our wedding and also found out we were pregnant. This pregnancy gave us so much excitement and sparked so much love between us! a few weeks later we lost the baby and i then decided that is it. i don't want to try to have a baby and were OK with our three kids. Then we found out we were blessed and lucky enough to be pregnant again. I feel that way now! but at the time i felt sad, scared, lonely, and kind of angry(another blog another time).

 so anyways the point is, all of this happened in the 5 months my husband and i were together. 

before my husband and i even began I was a single mother, casually dating and when my daughter spent time with her other parent i spent all my time with my friends. I enjoyed my herb and wine with my closest friends. 

On two occasions in this past year i have questioned my friendships and have asked myself do i stay friends with them or do i just throw in the towel and move on with life. 

My husband works a lot and i am literally surrounded by children all day along with animals that do not speak. my husband and i have the opportunity to literally talk all day if we want but ladies!!!!!! you know it is not that same as talking to your home girl ! I talk to my mom but again ! it is not the same as talking to your girlfriends. I absolutely cherish and enjoy the friendships i have or had. 

first time i ever questioned a friendship was with my best friend of over 10 years. I felt like my marriage and rapid decisions didn't really sit well with her and although she supported me she felt the way she felt. Before my marriage my best friend and i saw each other EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY. we never allowed anything to get in the way of that. but after marriage it got hard. what if Sunday was the only day i got to see my husband? what if my kids were sick? what if i was sick(for the first 6 months of my pregnancy i was sick). it got difficult. she was in relationship herself but for some reason i felt that my life was more superior which made me a very selfish bitch and i could not believe how annoying i was when i was pregnant. instead of communicating with her i just lashed out and became angry with her. I was confrontational and nasty. ( also pregnant - does not justify though) i realized during an argument we had that i could potentially lose her as a friend forever. we have only argued like 3 times in the ten plus years we have been friends. i took a step back and communicated how i felt. i felt alone. i felt like my friend didn't care. but i also realized that i didn't put any effort into our friendship either. 

ask yourself that question! 

are you putting in the effort you wish to receive? 

 are you checking in on them? 

Are you sending them positive thoughts or even a phone call to say hi if you guys are to busy to see each other?



my 2nd time was yesterday. i was ready to give up on a friend that i truly adore. she has picked me up during dark times. i have been broken in front of her. i have almost said goodbye to her forever and then she managed to say no you're staying on this earth. she has become my sister (only because her mom says I'm her adopted daughter and i take that shit literal because her mom is amazing). all jokes aside she is a friend that i don't ever want to lose. she has an amazing family, and they have all taken me in and heard my cries,my laughs, and have given me so much love and acceptance. 

We don't talk everyday like we used to. we don't see each other everyday like we used to. home girl and i used to spark up EVERYDAY for hours. to be able to spend everyday with someone and never get tired of them is a blessing lol (our husbands?? are sometimes questionable lmao) but seriously shes amazing.

I have really been feeling like i don't have that many friends or they just aren't available. so i reached out once or twice and instantly got emotional about it and had to remember to take a step back and say

i haven't gone to visit her, i haven't called her in months, she works, i don't, she has family, i have a family were both busy, i live fucking 25 minutes a way and cannot expect for people to just be like yea i totally wanna drive 25 minutes when I'm exhausted from parenting, working etc. especially if i know damn well my ass is like that everyday.  

I ended up sending her a text and expressing myself and she also expressed herself and was willing to communicate with me. i told her i love her and i don't want our friendship to end and i know i need to put more effort in to this as well. 


moral of these stories are:

 COMMUNICATION IS KEY TO ANY RELATIONSHIP 

no one on this earth can read minds unless you are a freak or God so do not expect for people to just know how you are feeling, or what you want from them (no bitch it is not obvious by your snarky ass attitude, petty bullshit, and no we are not oblivious we are actually worried about other shit like our kids, our families, our financials, etc)

don't hold such high expectations for human beings. we are human. we are not perfect.

time waits for no one, life is always changing. peoples feelings change every minute of the day, 

don't assume they don't want to be friends with you because they haven't spoken or seen you in a while.

give the effort you wish to receive. and if you don't receive it LET THAT SHIT GO

be there for them and ask that they be there for you too. 

communicate

love 

and any past friendships that are no more, look back and smile at the wonderful moments you guys have had. 

I love all my friends, and all the people i have had such amazing times with. As we grow circumstances change but if you truly want these people to be apart of your life communicate that with them. i pray they are mature enough to receive what you said and then give you feedback. you'll get the answer you're looking for whether it is good or bad. 

30 comments:

  1. What an interesting post. I agree, communication is the key to any relationship. Thank you for sharing this, it is such a beautiful reminder!

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  2. Thank you for commenting ! Life’s been a struggle lately with my friends

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  3. Communication is definitely key. There have been times when I felt like my friends were ignoring me and when I message them, they end up saying they felt the same way!

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    1. thank you for commenting! yes this is exactly how it started and i realized damn i really need to just let them know "i wanna see you" "i need you to be here for me because im going thru something" it worked. communication worked with them and its something i well always remember to do with my family, children, friends and others as well.

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  4. Love you! What a beautiful post and YES COMMINICATION IS KEY....got me teary and shit lol 😘

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    1. hahah yessssss thank you for commenting on my post ! i really appreciate it. i love you too and im glad you read it!

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  5. this is a beautifully written post, thank you for sharing. yes, communication is obligatory

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    1. thank you for commenting! im glad you enjoyed it.

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  6. I can feel that this post is from the heart and I appreciate your vulnerability. Agreed, communication is a must between any relationship/friendship/biz partnership.
    It is under estimated but so vital.

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  7. Time does wait for no one! These are excellent points. So much in life changes so quickly, relationships change right in front of your eyes without you even realizing it.

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  8. I love how you said... that if you don't receive it, let it go. It's super tough, but this is LOVE.

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  9. Communication is vital to every relationship you carry in life. We often get caught up in our lives, and forget that the people who mean the most to us, need to hear from us.

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  10. Communication is truly the key! I was shut out in a relationship and while I tried me best to be brought in, overtime I lost the will to even try. Communication is a two way street.

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  11. Friends come in and out of our lives. Sometimes it’s a phase when you don’t speak for one reason or the other. And sometime we just out grown each other. You’re not alone. Everyone has experienced this on some level. I hope you find your peace whichever way it plays out.

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  12. Love the post very much. Communication is truly the key! Beautifully written post, thank you for sharing.

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  13. I think you're very right. I can't even count the number of resentments i have faced due to the lack of communication. its just so important.

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  14. Such a great post! I think young couples don't understand how important it is to get your point of view across, without communication there is NO relationship. Thanks for sharing! :)

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  15. Friendships do have their ups and downs no matter how long you've been bff's. I have had moments where I was ready to throw in the towel on long-time friends because of big gaps. The older I get though, the more precious I realize true friendship is to me.

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  16. It is so important to communicate in any relationship to avoid misunderstandings and resentment.

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  17. Communication is the make or break of every relationship. Many problems wouldn't happen if people just talked.

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  18. Communication truly is the key to any good relationship. If you want to make it happen, you need to have a dialogue going back and forth.

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  19. I believe so too in any relationship. It is important because when the other one assumes differently than what the other was thinking, it could create a quarrel that would not have been started in the first place if they only communicate.

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  20. Sure, communication is key to any relationship, the more u communicate the more clarity we get....! thanks it was great going through the post.

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  21. Could not agree more that communication is key to any relationship! However it can also be the hardest when it comes to relationships.

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  22. Communication is definitely so very important. I believe in communicating diplomatically and directly with people. I feel like everything is clear that way.

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  23. Agree 100%! Communication is the base for any relationship, we need to understand and speak with our partner!

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  24. Communication is definitely key in any relationship. There is so much that can be accomplished with just having that open line.

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  25. Great deep blog post. I will tell you I am always feeling like I am always the friend who reaches out and people dont reach out to me. I used to get really sensitive but you do have to have talks with your friends time goes by but dont let it be a one way street or check youself reach out without anyone prompting you..

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  26. Constant communication breaks barriers. It isn't a good excuse nowadays that we don't have time to communicate coz, it is now very accessible, right?

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  27. It is true that communication is very important to a relationship. We are lucky that there are plenty of ways to communicate now and almost all are reachable by technology.

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