Tuesday, June 19, 2018

How me and my husband are using our love language to build and strengthen our marriage.

                       The 5 love languages;
                             Acts of service
                       words of affirmation
                             quality time 
                           physical touch 
                           receiving gifts

How me and my husband are using our love language to build and strengthen our marriage. 

My husband and I have been married for over a year now and things transitioned rather quickly for us in the past year. we dated for 3 months and decided to get married. directly after getting married found out we were expecting. Altogether we have 4 children(3 from previous relationships). In the mist of all the quick transitions we found little time to focus and enjoy our marriage. Every so often we'd try to get away for a night or have a date night but it still seemed like we couldn't connect. I love my husband so much and he has saved me in so many ways, but we are also still learning about each other. I came across a Facebook post that caught my eye about 5 love languages and a quiz that went along with it. i thought this would be a great opportunity to learn a little bit more about each other. so i took the quiz and he took the quiz. 

here are my results: 

10 Acts of service
8 words of affirmation
6 quality time
4 physical touch 
2 receiving gifts 

10 is the highest ranking and 2 being the lowest within my results. 
now here's why my quiz results are like this and what my husband has learned from it. 

Acts of service;
I take on a lot of tasks through out my day, I am stay at home mom with four children and my life's purpose is to be the best mom i can be for them. Along with those responsibilities come our dogs, our home, our yard, errands that have to get done(groceries, Dr appointments, bill payments and other miscellaneous tasks) I sometimes hesitate to ask for help because i know my husband works hard and he works all the time in order to provide our family with the best. I find that i get frustrated because i need the help but i don't ask for it. Taking this quiz has showed me that when my husband does help i am beyond appreciative. ill take him helping me around the house, with the kids, over any type of gift any day. it makes me so happy and satisfied when i see and know he is willing to help. he's a great man for the days that he does help and even on the days that he doesn't. I've learned to communicate how thankful i am when he does help me do small tasks around the house. 

Words of affirmation
i feed off of his "i love you." it boosts my spirit. when he expresses his gratitude for who i am as a mother, wife, step mom i feel confident in myself that i can really successfully be a mother wife and step mom. his words (and actions) mean so much to me and give me a sense of security. 

quality time
my husband is a firefighter and works 24 hour shifts, a part time job and over time at the firehouse. i see him in the evening when were both dead tired, or i don't see him for 2 1/2 days straight. i have completely gotten used to this lifestyle and i have accepted it for the most part. i say for the most part because there are times when i need him with me. we don't have to do anything i just physically need him near me to feel safe and OK. i don't care if its laying in bed and binge watching a show together or if its napping our whole day away. there are times when the quality time with my husband is put before anything else. my husband and i usually take advantage of our time together when our children are with their other parents and our daughter can hang out with her grandmother for the day. its gives us a day to do as we please and to enjoy each others company. 

physical touch
i believe this ranked at a 4 because I'm super weird when it comes to touching. in the beginning my husband and i couldn't keep our hands off each other but i believe a lot of it was because we had just started and had a lot of sexual chemistry between each other (we still do but FOUR YOUNG ASS KIDS-self explanatory) physical touch just isn't something i need all the time or need to help me feel loved and satisfied. intimacy is not just touching or sex to me, its talking and sharing ideas, beliefs, experiences. my hands sweat like all year round so I'm not really a fan of holdings hands although we still do (because i know my husband loves physical touch). 

receiving gifts
this is quick and easy. i do not like surprises. if I'm not with you when you are getting it just don't. i don't care for materials or surprise gifts. yes it shows appreciation and love but so does "i married an amazing woman", you are a great mother or "babe relax for a little bit ill take care of the baby, take out the trash or do the dishes. however I'm down for a surprise coffee(i always need/want coffee). 

so those are my reasons for getting the rankings i got on each of the languages. just in the 10 minutes it took to take the quiz i learned so much about myself and had an aha moment. my husband also learned a lot by realizing that something as little as putting his boots on the shoe rack can light up my world, or how a quick call during the day to  appreciate me, or even reassure me of something I've struggled with can bring me peace and i can connect with him and know he understands. 

my husbands results: 

10 physical touch
10 quality time
6 words of affirmation
4 acts of service
0 receiving gifts

his results almost seem like the complete opposite of mine! don't get discouraged though. this quiz is not meant to make you feel like you and your significant other are too different or don't match up. i took this quiz solely to see what my husband and i can work on and better ways for us to connect and communicate with one another. 

how I'm choosing to use my husbands quiz results

physical touch
i plan to kiss him a little bit longer in the mornings before he leaves for work and hug him a little tighter when he get homes. regardless of how sweaty my hands are this summer I'm going to hold his hand during our car rides and super market trips dripping sweaty palms and all. I'm going to give him shoulder massages when he's sitting watching TV. I'm going to slap his ass whenever he walks by me. the physical touch doesn't necessarily mean sex but it does mean comfortability with your significant other, it means connecting through your senses with each other. 

quality time
he works so much so quality time is extremely important to him and this is something he has expressed to me numerous times and before i just could not understand and would brush it off like were married for life dude calm down but now I'm going to make the effort to wake up with him. have coffee if we can. spend a little time at night after the kids go to sleep(i usually pass out with the kids but I'm willing to put more effort). Spending time together and making memories for a life time is the most beautiful thing that we truly take advantage of and I don't want to do that anymore. 

words of affirmation
we talk all day long. we talk about our kids, we talk about the house, issues all of it. we love each other i love you at the end of our phone calls have become routine. but these words of affirmation are a connection. like in the avatar movie when he says "i see you" i want my husband and i to see each other to appreciate each other but i want to be specific. i don't want to just say thank you. i want to tell you how it makes me feel when you work so hard, when i watch you be a father to our kids, how you look in timberland boots and white Nike's(babe if your reading this *wink wink*). it feels good to have someone tell you how they feel about you, how they appreciate you, and the reasons they love you.  
acts of service
my honey doesn't ask for much. and he truly doesn't have to because i got it covered. any favors here or there I'm more than happy to do!  

receiving gifts
the lord blessed me with a husband that views gifts the way i do. he doesn't mind surprises but he could is not a tangibles kind of guy. there a few things that are important of course like the thing our children get us but that's all that really matters.

if you would like to take the quiz you can go to http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ or click here (will take you to the same exact site).

everyone has to be loved differently. and this was a great way for me to get an idea of how to love my husband and continue to strive in our marriage. this man saved my life and god really answered my prayers when him and i crossed each others paths again. I'm so grateful for our kids because they are my life even on good days and bad. because of my family i get to laugh and smile every day(along with every other emotion in the book) but I get to FEEL every day. some people are not able to feel, but i do and i cant let that go unnoticed anymore. for those of us with love in our lives and being able to love laugh and smile we are blessed. 

Thursday, June 14, 2018

take it with a grain of salt

One of my readers asked if i could talk about becoming a stepmother. 

its a topic i myself have read blogs on because at first i didn't know what to expect or how to be a step mom. 

blend·ed fam·i·ly
  1. a family consisting of a couple and their children from this and all previous relationships.

I knew how to be a mom to my own children but i just wasn't sure how i could be a mom to my husbands children. 

becoming a stepmother doesn't only consist of the children but it also consist of my stepchildren mother sharing them with me. Instead of just two parents sharing the responsibility of raising children it has become three parents. 

Fast forward- my husband and I got married after 3 months of dating. It was a HARD pill to swallow for some people and despite any one's opinions We did it and we loved every minute of vowing to spend the rest of our lives with each other. 

I vowed to protect, support, and guide our children through their lives. 

When my husband and I first started dating i awkwardly could not get out of preschool teacher mode. I was so used to treating our son that way(because i was his teacher at one point) that i couldn't turn it off. 

I realized that I cant go 30 years being their teacher because that's not who i am to them anymore. 

I had the pleasure of knowing my stepdaughter since she was a teeny tiny baby, but again I was more than a teacher. I was her step mom. 

It took the children a little bit to understand the concept of me becoming their stepmother. our son was not opposed to it at all. I felt like he was happy and handled it well. I gave him so many opportunities to open up to me and be himself. we have/and had countless Nerf gun fights and jam out sessions in the car. i knew he'd adjust beautifully. He already knew me. The transition of our son sharing his home with his new stepmother and stepsister made him excited and he was a gentlemen through it all. 

Now, my stepdaughter understanding the concept was different. she was two and half, she didn't really know me or connect with me. at first we had an instant connection and she was excited to have someone new in her life but that's as far as it got for a little while. she became aware of the fact that another women was, dressing her, doing her hair, telling her what she should and should not do. Someone other than her mother. she started to say little things that hinted me and my husband that not everyone was on the same page and we NEEDED everyone on the same page in order for our children to be happy and feel loved by everyone. With daughters Ive come to realize you have to take it with a grain of salt. Will she wake up and love me today or will she wake up and see me as mommy dearest? I never pushed my stepdaughter to like me or spend time with me. I let her come to me. I let her feel it out first. I prepare myself every day for the (you're not my mom) comment. it'll probably still sting but i have to be prepared, because I'm not her mother nor will i ever be. but i am someone that will love her, guide her, protect her, and support her. I will share many wonderful moments with her as i will my stepson, but i will never be their mother and I'm OK with that. my ONE AND ONLY concern is that they are safe, happy and healthy. 

My stepchildren's mother have to share her children. I have to share my child with her father's girlfriend. In a divorced/separated household those are possibilities that one parent does not have control of among other things. How others choose to deal with such realities is their choice. I however choose my children and their happiness. It's only about my children nothing more, nothing less. we aren't friends, but we share one connection and that is our children and for our children to know they are loved, and because of them they create joy. We do a good job at it and because of that our children feel good. We go to important events for them and we cheer them on. It isn't about us and how we feel. it isn't about whether we like one another. its about our kids. 

So i take it with a grain a salt......

  • Have patience, they are learning about you as much as you are learning about them

  • don't be a doormat, show them who you are, what you like, what you don't like. they may not be your biological children but you plan  to spend your life knowing and raising them . 

  • love them on their good days, and on their bad days. love them its what they need. nothing is more hurtful than feeling like your stepparent doesn't love you, like you, or want you. 

  • communicate! communicate with your children, their parents, and everyone else involved in raising them. 

  • do not smother. i repeat do not smother. -self explanatory. 

  • let them come to you, they will when the time is right, continue to be kind and loving during those tough moments when you don't feel a connection. 

as for being the step-parent and dealing with the child's mother or father....

  • stay kind no matter what

  • communicate clearly 

  • demand respect and tolerate nothing less

  • don't get involved in the debates/conflicts between your spouse and the other parent 

  • share in the responsibilities of making your children happy, keeping them safe and healthy

  • show the other parent respect

  • don't talk bad bout each other in front of your children. it is so BEYOND DAMAGING. this is someone they love and care for and to hear you talk bad about that person is damaging to their spirit and confidence in that person. they have to trust their father, mother, stepmother, stepfather with their lives and with you speaking negatively about them just puts a damper on them feeling secure with this person. along with sucking them into a negative lifestyle of worrying about others instead of focusing on themselves and creating their own happiness. 

**here are some children's books that can be used as resources for when your children might have difficulty understanding ! 

Thursday, June 7, 2018

To be or, Not to be?

I'm going to just get right to it because it is a difficult subject for myself and i think for a lot of people who are growing and changing their life whether its children, marriage, illnesses, or just focusing on yourself. 

just a little background:
short story long, my husband and i started dating and we moved along rather quickly. 3 months later we were married regardless of any one's opinion. my husband has two children whom i love like they are my own and have known since they were very small. i had one child at the time and the transition for us and our children happened very quickly. we began living together about a month after our wedding and also found out we were pregnant. This pregnancy gave us so much excitement and sparked so much love between us! a few weeks later we lost the baby and i then decided that is it. i don't want to try to have a baby and were OK with our three kids. Then we found out we were blessed and lucky enough to be pregnant again. I feel that way now! but at the time i felt sad, scared, lonely, and kind of angry(another blog another time).

 so anyways the point is, all of this happened in the 5 months my husband and i were together. 

before my husband and i even began I was a single mother, casually dating and when my daughter spent time with her other parent i spent all my time with my friends. I enjoyed my herb and wine with my closest friends. 

On two occasions in this past year i have questioned my friendships and have asked myself do i stay friends with them or do i just throw in the towel and move on with life. 

My husband works a lot and i am literally surrounded by children all day along with animals that do not speak. my husband and i have the opportunity to literally talk all day if we want but ladies!!!!!! you know it is not that same as talking to your home girl ! I talk to my mom but again ! it is not the same as talking to your girlfriends. I absolutely cherish and enjoy the friendships i have or had. 

first time i ever questioned a friendship was with my best friend of over 10 years. I felt like my marriage and rapid decisions didn't really sit well with her and although she supported me she felt the way she felt. Before my marriage my best friend and i saw each other EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY. we never allowed anything to get in the way of that. but after marriage it got hard. what if Sunday was the only day i got to see my husband? what if my kids were sick? what if i was sick(for the first 6 months of my pregnancy i was sick). it got difficult. she was in relationship herself but for some reason i felt that my life was more superior which made me a very selfish bitch and i could not believe how annoying i was when i was pregnant. instead of communicating with her i just lashed out and became angry with her. I was confrontational and nasty. ( also pregnant - does not justify though) i realized during an argument we had that i could potentially lose her as a friend forever. we have only argued like 3 times in the ten plus years we have been friends. i took a step back and communicated how i felt. i felt alone. i felt like my friend didn't care. but i also realized that i didn't put any effort into our friendship either. 

ask yourself that question! 

are you putting in the effort you wish to receive? 

 are you checking in on them? 

Are you sending them positive thoughts or even a phone call to say hi if you guys are to busy to see each other?

my 2nd time was yesterday. i was ready to give up on a friend that i truly adore. she has picked me up during dark times. i have been broken in front of her. i have almost said goodbye to her forever and then she managed to say no you're staying on this earth. she has become my sister (only because her mom says I'm her adopted daughter and i take that shit literal because her mom is amazing). all jokes aside she is a friend that i don't ever want to lose. she has an amazing family, and they have all taken me in and heard my cries,my laughs, and have given me so much love and acceptance. 

We don't talk everyday like we used to. we don't see each other everyday like we used to. home girl and i used to spark up EVERYDAY for hours. to be able to spend everyday with someone and never get tired of them is a blessing lol (our husbands?? are sometimes questionable lmao) but seriously shes amazing.

I have really been feeling like i don't have that many friends or they just aren't available. so i reached out once or twice and instantly got emotional about it and had to remember to take a step back and say

i haven't gone to visit her, i haven't called her in months, she works, i don't, she has family, i have a family were both busy, i live fucking 25 minutes a way and cannot expect for people to just be like yea i totally wanna drive 25 minutes when I'm exhausted from parenting, working etc. especially if i know damn well my ass is like that everyday.  

I ended up sending her a text and expressing myself and she also expressed herself and was willing to communicate with me. i told her i love her and i don't want our friendship to end and i know i need to put more effort in to this as well. 

moral of these stories are:


no one on this earth can read minds unless you are a freak or God so do not expect for people to just know how you are feeling, or what you want from them (no bitch it is not obvious by your snarky ass attitude, petty bullshit, and no we are not oblivious we are actually worried about other shit like our kids, our families, our financials, etc)

don't hold such high expectations for human beings. we are human. we are not perfect.

time waits for no one, life is always changing. peoples feelings change every minute of the day, 

don't assume they don't want to be friends with you because they haven't spoken or seen you in a while.

give the effort you wish to receive. and if you don't receive it LET THAT SHIT GO

be there for them and ask that they be there for you too. 



and any past friendships that are no more, look back and smile at the wonderful moments you guys have had. 

I love all my friends, and all the people i have had such amazing times with. As we grow circumstances change but if you truly want these people to be apart of your life communicate that with them. i pray they are mature enough to receive what you said and then give you feedback. you'll get the answer you're looking for whether it is good or bad. 

Thursday, May 17, 2018

temper temper little one.

Your child hears the word "no" and the world is now ending....

5 things i do to problem solve with my children:

1. be mindful  

while i was a teacher I learned that being mindful with young children is very important. it's important to be present and in the moment with children. its easy for a child to sense you are distracted or not fully engaging with them. when a problem arises with a child talk to them about it. unplug from whatever electronic device might be capturing your attention and go through the problem with them. It's very important to model mindfulness for children. some things you can do to be mindful is:

- take deep breaths before dealing with a child having a temper tantrum 

- encourage your child to take some deep breaths. you can use techniques like smell the flower and  blow out the candle by placing you index finger in front of your mouth pretending its a flower(inhale) and then blowing out the candle(exhale)

. --children exhibiting a lot of energy and it isn't the time or place for them to run around to exert that energy can benefit by lifting a heavy object, or doing some jumping jacks. 

-yoga exercises that you can do in a small space is also another great way to get a child to be mindful and calm their bodies. 

-creating a space for your child to go to so they can calm down is helpful. i have dealt with many children who have had meltdown where they might knock things over or swing their arms and legs so putting them in a safe and calm space can allow them to exert the frustration among themselves. when you are out in public its difficult to do but bringing them back to the car so they can let it all out is beneficial because it eliminates the amount of humiliation you may feel because of people secretly judging or staring at you and your child. i typically opt for the car because I am not a fan of public restrooms but if you prefer the restroom then so be it. 

-just allow your child to bug out but you yourself have to remain calm. 
-take deep breathes and use a soft voice. 

-when children are frustrated and acting out its very difficult for them to hear what we're saying to them so counting aloud while you take your breaths may distract them and might help them calm down with you. 

2. give them choices

when children don't want to do what they are being told they can be VERY STUBBORN. so give them 2 choices. one choice you and them can both agree with and the other you agree with but know they most likely wont choose. when you give them these choices give them a time limit to choose. if they are still refusing you can try " would you like to make the choice or do you want me to make it for you?" I'm almost positive they will say they want to make the choice. children feel good when they are able to make an independent decision. just make sure the choices you are giving them are child appropriate. nothing is worse than a child that thinks they can run your life and make the decisions. an example is a recent conflict i had with my child: she insisted on sleeping in bed with me. with 4 children and 2 dogs its very uncomfortable when we are all in bed together and we get up super early in the morning so everyone getting a good nights sleep on the weekdays is crucial. so back to the situation. i said to my daughter "you can either sleep in your room with your favorite movie on TV or you can sleep in Mommy's room with no TV" she instantly chose to sleep in her room with the TV on. now it wont always be that easy and there are some situations where you wont be able to give choices but if you can try it and see how it goes. 

3. address the issue right away and then move on
in some cases some problems don't require and consequence or choices. this is something good to do for older children. for an example my son came home with a note from school saying he was getting out of his seat and constantly being told to stop talking. am i going to crucify him for this behavior...no, because he's old enough to have a discussion on what he can do to change the behavior and do better. he understood that if another note was sent home then something he liked or wanted would be taken away. once the issue is spoken about or dealt with move on. for younger children a better approach would be to deal with it right then and there. give them their punishment when it's over move on. dwelling on something bad that they've done can really affect their self esteem. we don't want our children to feel like they are bad people because they make mistakes. mistakes are to be learning opportunities. 

4. stand your ground the crying will eventually stop
the words "no" is apart of my vocabulary on the daily and i hold no remorse. i don't change my mind. i certainly will not use the word maybe when i know for a fact whatever they want is not going to happen. children who never hear the word "no" grow up feeling entitled to everything and anything. in real life as adults we do not get everything we want exactly when we want it so it's important for your child to know and experience a life where they do not receive all that they ask for. your child might freak the hell out the minute you say no but if you change your mind while they are having a meltdown they are going to think that every time they bug out you will give them their way. your child NEEDS to get used to hearing no. I'm not saying that every time they ask for something it has to be a no but within reason if you feel like they shouldn't have something or do something at that time then you as the parent have every right to make the decision. 

5. sometimes all they need is a hug 

this doesn't need much explanation. if you ask a child if they need a hug or would like a hug 7 times out of 10 they will say yes and that hug you are giving them will make them feel loved, feel secure, and feel good. physical connection with your children can ease them in so many ways. sometimes all i have to do is touch my baby's cheek and she calms down. they love to be loved. 

i hope these tips help. please feel free to share in the comments some things you do for your children to calm down, be mindful, or ways you help them problem solve. 

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

I love you from a distance

To my friends,

I love you from a distance....
because I can't be your ride or die. 
I have my children to live for and 
I put their lives before mine

I love you from a distance...
because I can't give you any money.
My honey works too hard to make our lives better
for me to give you my cheddar

I love you from a distance...
Because I'm not going to a club with you
I'm married now and refuse to deal with 
those crazy single thirsty dudes. 

I love you from a distance...
because I cant give you a ride somewhere
I have children and things to do
and unfortunately no time for you

I love from a distance...
because my husband comes first
he is my better half and I've made my choice 
this is the life i want and i say that with a very proud voice

I love you from a distance
i love you from afar
my dear friend you will always be in my heart.
no matter where life leads us remember our past
for we had a good one with lots of laughs. 
you were my girl, my homie 
and you knew me so well 
but life changes direction
and we have to accept it. 
I love you from a distance because it's for the best.
I cant be a fake friend to you like all of the rest. 
So I'm keeping it real and letting you know 
i love you  and i hope you know
you're still my friend from a distance.... 

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

5 ways to ease your morning routine

Why am I rushing every morning when I do the same thing every day?

I used to ask myself that question every day! I never understood why I could not get my morning routine set. I would easily take my frustration out on my kids, dogs and husband. my anxiety level was at an all time high and sometimes while my husband was at work i would call him panicking and hysterical over being a few minutes late. These 5 things helped me deal with our chaotic mornings and also helped to keep my insanity in tact.

1. Prepare lunch/snacks as soon as they get home from school
As soon as the kids get home from school i immediately empty their lunch boxes and begin to prepare them for the following day. I cut up their fruit, place their dry food snacks inside the lunchboxes and place their lunch boxes in the fridge. if they choose to have a lunch that needs to be warmed I place it next to their lunch box and that is the ONLY thing I have to do for their lunch in the morning. It has made our mornings so much easier and allows us time to sit as a family and have breakfast together.

2. Take clothes out the night before
My son wears uniforms so its very easy for him. I usually place his uniform in the same place so that way he knows after breakfast to grab it and get dressed. For my daughters I pick out their cute little outfits the night before and place it on their bed railing with their shoes and undergarments. They are so used to the routine that as soon as they are done with breakfast they go right to the room and get dressed. All I have to do is assist my 3 year old and do both of my girls hair. My 5 month old is usually still asleep while everyone is up and getting ready so she thankfully just stays in her PJ's till we finish drop offs.

I am such a stickler for this. The TV will mesmerize the shit out of kids when you are trying to keep a schedule and seriously throw everything off. My husband usually leaves before we wake up but on the days that he gets to stay home a little longer he will sometimes let our Son watch some TV without realizing that time is against us. we live about 20 minutes away from our sons school and there is no time for distractions. The only thing playing in the morning is the radio because I feel its helps the kids feel good in the morning and wake up. 

4. Get yourself up at least an hour before they have to wake up. 
As a mom we could use as much sleep as we can get, but I find that rushing children can be the most frustrating thing in the world because children move like sloths. trying to get dressed and look decent when you do your morning drops offs is extremely hard when you have 4 little people that need your attention simultaneously. I get up at 5 am every morning start my coffee maker, take my dogs out, puff the magic dragon, then come in and get ready for the day. I have enough time to do my hair,makeup, pick out a decent outfit(which still usually consist of leggings and t-shirt), but it makes our mornings so much smoother because all I have to do after everyone is ready is walk out the house.

5. If you are still running then let that 
shit go and enjoy the time you have with the kids. 
I cannot tell you how many times i have been a crazy mess because we were going to be late to school. I used to be so frantic and angry until i realized, I STILL have to drop them off regardless of the time. The school is not going anywhere, I cannot control traffic, and sometimes shit happens (literally). My daughter was 2 at the time and constantly had accidents as we were heading out the door(there is nothing i could have done to control that). Now, if we are running late (although inside my anxiety is killing me) I take a deep breathe as soon as we get in the car and we play our favorite songs all the way to school. It helps to put everyone in a good mood and my kids don't feel my tension.

These are just somethings i do and have been doing for the last 5 months to help ease our morning routine. My kids are awesome and all they can do is try their best to be good listeners, focus, and love each other, but sometimes its difficult for them. Sometimes they wake up extremely tired and didn't sleep well that night, or they are possibly getting sick. So yea, there are somethings that interrupt the routine a little bit but that is OK. I just want my children to have an awesome start to their day and I feel it all begins with me and my attitude in the morning. If I'm a grump and frantic then i believe they will feed off that energy and feel the same way. 

I truly hope this helps if you are trying to figure out a way to ease your weekday mornings with your family. 

Monday, May 14, 2018

To my dear love, You are the fucking man !

You are the fucking man! you work hard, you provide us with everything we want and need and you deserve to be lazy everyday when you come home. sometimes as a wife whether you work a 9-5 or stay at home we get frustrated feeling like WE DO EVERYTHING. we take care of the kids, we take care of the cleaning, house duties, dinner etc. while our husbands get to go off to work with no children and what we assume as no worries. today i took a second(more like 2 hours) to really think about my husbands perspective in this marriage and family. what does he do for me? What does he do for our children, our dogs, our house? how does he feel about working 12 hour days in between his 24 hour firefighter shift? what are his thoughts while he is on the road or at the firehouse. The truth is I don't fucking know and the honest truth is i sit home and assume that he isn't worried about SHIT. He's got a clear mind because he isn't with the kids, or the dogs or dealing with a messy house. I thought to myself today "what a selfish bitch i am for assuming and actually believing that my husband doesn't do anything or think of anything."  so to my dear love, YOU ARE THE FUCKING MAN:

you work so hard to give me what i want which was to stop working and take care of our amazing kids and dogs. You NEVER say no to me. (he rarely ever says no to anything i ask for). You stay up and make sure we spend time together even when I'm cranky and frustrated over little things. You come home and help me when i SHOULD have the house in order but i decided to stay in bed and binge on Netflix. You tell me to rest on days you see and know i didn't sleep well while you still go off to work. you love me when I'm severely depressed and imbalanced and somehow manage to cope with it. Our children get everything they need and want. my happiness and their happiness come before yours. you are an amazing hands on parent and emotionally supportive parent when i am incapable of being one. you are the fucking man. you are the man of this house. you are the man in my life. you are the love of my life. 

I will pick up any dirty sock you leave on the floor, put any cup you leave on the dresser in the sink, and put away and tools you leave out any fucking day and every day for the rest of our lives together. 
My husband marching in the parade &
our son ran out to give him water.